- I taught high school students for 10 years and often heard their complaints about college admissions.
- Most students want their parents to know that they are stressed about even paying for college.
- They also want to choose their major, and some don’t even want to go to college.
I have been a teacher for 10 years, and counting high school students I would hide in my classroom during lunch. They would show me and each other pictures of their new dog and debate the ethics of Taylor Swift concert ticket prices. They also did a considerable amount of ventilation; they mostly complained about how their parents just “didn’t get it” when it came to college.
Like one new parent I knew the difficult dilemma parents and children faced—a battle of wills and goals, finances and friendships. I understood both sides of the argument as families grappled with issues like cost, distance and reputation.
Above all, I noticed how my students they wanted to be heard by their parents. They wanted a little more understanding and less advice.
Here’s what I learned from listening to mine college bound students.
Children want to choose their own direction and do not want parental input
It’s the first new question college student takes repeatedly: What is your specialty?
It can be difficult choose a major that meets all the requirements for students and parents. Parents want their children to choose a smart major that is translatable to the business world and future-proof. Meanwhile, students want their major to be interesting, sometimes creative, and in line with their dreams. For some, it’s their first chance to study something they’re passionate about versus the drudgery of compulsory high school courses.
I have heard many conversations from students who planned to start with their parents’ idea of the best major and then move on to their school. academic career for what they wanted.
Bottom line: Some students don’t feel heard about their major choice and feel judged because it’s not their parents’ idea of the “right” path. Opening a dialogue with students can help them figure out what they really want to do.
They want to follow their friends to college
As any parent of teenagers can attest, friends are life. They’re not just someone you can hang out with here and there; they are fundamental to adolescent development even happiness.
I saw multiple groups of students choosing the same college so they wouldn’t get separated. I saw girlfriends and boyfriends following them love interests throughout the country.
By far, this was one of the hardest for parents because, as most parents know, these friendships and relationships come and go easily at that age – but choosing where to go to school is much more permanent.
Conclusion: It is natural for students to want to follow their friends by applying to the same colleges. Some of them feel ashamed of this or try to hide that this is the real reason they want to go to a certain school. Parents should talk to their children to understand why they are attracted to certain schools.
Children are also stressed about finances and schooling
Students and parents worry about money. Some of the conversations I overheard included, “I’m worried my mom is trying pay for college when she already doesn’t have enough money,” “I need to figure out this FAFSA because I know my parents won’t help,” and, “I’m going to be in debt forever, but what other choice do I have?”
The teenagers I worked with were generally hardworking and really hated the stereotype that their generation was lazy and didn’t work for their future. They are thinking deeply about their college plans and how they will fund those dreams. It is becoming an even bigger issue as tuition fees continue to rise.
Conclusion: The students and parents who had open and honest conversations about money fared best and gave students less stress and more ability to plan—even if it meant they had to pay for it themselves.
Some students just don’t want to go to college
Sometimes I heard, “I don’t even want to go to college, but I can’t tell my parents.”
This was very hard to hear as a teacher because it was the ultimate sign that a student could not openly share their preferred path – whether it was travel, Learn About America, mission trips, blue collar work, or technical school.
Some students kept it a secret, losing thousands of dollars (theirs or their families’) only to drop out a year later. Others progressed through college but were miserable the entire time. The disappointment of their family was a difficult burden to bear.
Conclusion: Begin by discussing the “ifs” and “nots” of when a student might go to college, fairly presenting other reasonable options, and the paths to success.
Open communication is necessary
Generally, kids really want to impress their parents and prove that they can succeed at the college of their dreams. All of this can be achieved more easily if parents and college kids are open to having conversations.
When my kids reach this stage, I hope I remember to tell them that between the FAFSA, Common App, college visitsand planning for the future, our relationship will be more important than any college decision.